Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
MIDGETS
????
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
