You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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