who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
