y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
