a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
