I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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