I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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