Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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