I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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