The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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