Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
