Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
