There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
