we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
