just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
