Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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