Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Damn victory sex feels great
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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