Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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