im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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