That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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