Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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