No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
