You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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