I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
