So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
