We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
