he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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