there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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