dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
