Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
