whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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