I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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