After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
