If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
