we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
