Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
