He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
