I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
