I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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