Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
