I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think people are normalizing furries
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
