I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
