Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
