How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
