I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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