I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
