Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
