Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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