ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
