There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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