What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
