i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
