Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
