Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
