Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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