he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
