i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
