if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
