I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
