We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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