That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
