So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
