i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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