Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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