I think my vagina is haunted
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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