bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
