Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
