Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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