When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
