It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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