Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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